So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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