my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's rum buckets o'clock
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
