Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
