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• (858): View more from California

  last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station

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• (646): View more from New York

  Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'

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• (662): View more from Mississippi

  She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction

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• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do u remember buying that

  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.

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• (218): View more from Minnesota

  Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...

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