I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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