I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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