May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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