what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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