we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize