Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy

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(775): View more from Nevada

Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(

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(317): View more from Indiana

I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex

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(512): View more from Texas

Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

(512): View more from Texas

Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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(574): View more from Indiana

i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come

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(315): View more from New York

I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

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(219): View more from Indiana

Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.

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(253): View more from Washington

Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?

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