Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
