I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
