At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
