Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize