if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
