i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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