im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
