i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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