I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
