My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
