you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
