My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
