i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize