I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
