dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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