Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
