Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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