Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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