You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
