So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Congratulations! We have a period
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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