I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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