I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
