OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Randomize
