He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize