OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
