Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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