woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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