TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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