what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
