I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
