My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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