she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
