Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
