just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize