i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
