just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I will pee on everything he values.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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