Hey man sorry I got all grabby
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
