I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
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