The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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