Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
