Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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