just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
