Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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