Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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