woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize