Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
