I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
