she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
