Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
