the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
