Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
