She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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