I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Pants are for mortals
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
